Ask a Swole Woman: How Can I Find Safe and Inclusive Gyms? (2024)

Strength is for everyone, but it’s especially for women. Ask a Swole Woman is a column for people who are tired of trying to always be less, eat less, do less, and make it look perfect and effort-free. Have a question for me about strength training or anything related? If you’re ready to give your body what it needs, to test your grit, and become more than you ever have been, email AASW@self.com.

Hi Swole Woman,

So I’ve been involved with powerlifting for a few years now and work out of a barbell club/CrossFit gym in San Francisco. I’ve participated in local meets and have also trained in strong (wo)man and my numbers are decent. I travel quite a bit for work and visit CF/PL gyms as well as follow well known powerlifters online and I’ve noticed the tendency to lean very white and very male, almost aggressively so.

Particular examples that have come up recently in real life is a recent trip to Dallas and the owner of a box I dropped in on calling me snowflake and mocking California. On social media there are powerlifters with Nazi tattoos and wearing MAGA hats, and even the comments on powerlifting women forums were inflammatory when the moderators reposted stories of harassment.

I feel uncomfortable in these spaces and in a community that condones these things, and an overall sense that people of color/women aren’t accepted.

This isn’t meant to be a political rant or anything, it’s more about walking into a lifting gym and how to deal with the pervasive culture, and also where to find POC/women friendly gyms and companies to support.

Thanks!
—D.S.

I’ve had my fair share of experience dealing with sexism at the gym, and I have plenty of thoughts about when to ignore it and when to do something about it or find a space that feels good to me. But as a white cisgender lady, I realize I’m operating with a baseline level of safety and belonging in the world that people of color, LGBTQ+ folks, and people with disabilities don’t have. What I’m comfortable with isn’t going to be the same as what someone else is comfortable with, and safety for me might look and feel different than safety for you. In the interest of being as helpful as possible, I’ll share my own perspective further down here, but I also reached out to some people working to make fitness welcoming and inclusive for everyone to get their perspective and insights. Among the many helpful things they said, they reminded me that while I don’t have every privilege available in the world, I am in a position to advocate for many people who are treated unfairly, not just in social interactions but by the way spaces and institutions are structured.

The issue of white nationalism in powerlifting has gotten some attention online in the last couple of months, due in part to the actions of a few semi-popular online powerlifting demi-lebrities. Certainly such people also exist in real life, and are even supported by circles of friends or whole gyms who might share their attitudes. This is, it must be said, not EVERY gym, and not even most gyms, but they do exist. And then there’s also the issue that people can be racist without being straight-up white nationalists. “The same root sentiments and ideologies can be found hiding in plain sight among white folks who aren’t part of right-wing hate groups,” says Davi Cohen, a board member of the Women’s Strength Coalition. “And that’s where we have the lion’s share of work to do.”

Before we get really into it, there is some good news: Gyms and communities that are welcoming of people who are not already-ripped alpha white dudes are less rare than you might think. While some enclaves can be extremely permissive of sexism, racism, and so forth, there are many that are are incredibly inclusive, that celebrate and support the human body’s ability to do amazing stuff regardless of how a person identifies or how radical their politics are. One of the beautiful things about the internet is that it has allowed us all to find each other, even as we remain a growing minority of this world. Women’s Strength Coalition, reddit’s r/xxfitness, @powerliftingwomen, Girls Gone Strong, and Strong Strong Friends are a handful of resources that offer coaching, support, or even just nice communities where there are people who will answer your questions and help you feel not so alone, even when you feel like you’re surrounded by people who are less than friendly or inviting. They can also, I find, very often help you find the places and people physically around you that tend to be more welcoming.

There is also some less good news that you undoubtedly already know: “There is hate everywhere,” says LaToneya Burnwell, a board member of the Women’s Strength Coalition. “As a WOC, I've experienced covert as well as overt racism.” Bad people are plentiful, and bad situations are even more so, and most importantly, it has nothing to do with you or who you are. These things happen, and it would be great if the gym could be a safe little haven from such things—if you have such a gym, cherish it and tell the people who run it how much you love it often—but more often than not, it’s just a place in the world like everywhere else.

So how do you find the fitness space that will be the safest, most positive, and most supportive place for you to do what you love, knowing that even the good place can still be the bad place? One important difference between the world at large and the gym is that your gym membership is a business transaction, and it is your right not to give money to someone if you don’t want to. If anyone, regardless of their or your politics, treats you like sh*t, you are under no obligation to smile and be nice and say thank you for letting me use your squat racks, sir. Not ever.

Burnwell suggests taking advantage of day passes to test gyms out to assess the vibe of a new place. “Introduce yourself to the manager,” she says, “and before you sign a contract, emphasize that you will cancel your membership (without penalty) if you feel violated in any way.”

Once you’ve signed a contract or belong to a gym, remind yourself that you deserve to be there and deserve a good environment, and you should feel entitled to escalate any negative or problematic situation to management: “If that person has made you uncomfortable and continues to do so, reach out to the gym owner or management, as it is their responsibility to keep their gym a safe training environment,” says Shanae Goodman, founder of the collective Sisters of Powerlifting. “Finding alternative times to train may be an option, but if you are a member of that gym you are entitled to feel safe, welcomed, and at peace while training.”

Cohen echoes Goodman’s sentiment: “I report [incidents] to the folks working at the gym, both to let them know that I have had an encounter so they know what’s happening in their gym AND to give them the opportunity to step up and create a safer container in their place of business. Gym employees and owners do not often step into these opportunities in the ways I’d like, but I still feel that it’s important to make them aware and to do the labor I can to advance things in the direction of safety, accountability, awareness, and respect.”

You can also say something to the person who is offending you, if you want to and also feel like it isn’t a threat to your safety, though it of course sucks to take on emotional responsibility in a situation when all you want to be doing is lifting heavy things. “I cannot emphasize how challenging it is to go to the gym wanting to focus on your training, but knowing that you’re also doing HOW NOT TO BE A JERK 101 training or having to continually assess when and how to intervene in or respond to situations that may be affecting you and others,” Cohen says.

But if you do feel compelled to say something to a person who is being a jerk, Goodman suggests following four steps: be assertive; protect your peace; respond with a goal for a teachable moment; and clear the energy. Use “firm and direct communication with the person that is mistreating you,” said Goodman. “If it’s determined that you cannot de-escalate an interaction, retreat... I am not saying give up, but your safety and peace of mind comes first.”

Which gets us to the emotional/psychological part of the question. Philosophically, here’s how I approach it, with all the attendant privilege disclaimers: A lot of times going to a gym involves almost no direct person-to-person interaction at all, and we have only each other’s exteriors to judge by. A MAGA hat can feel like it really says it all, in that someone who intentionally wears one in public likely knows that doing so will make some other people feel uncomfortable or unsafe—and are possibly doing it because it will make people feel uncomfortable or unsafe (in other words, it’s a feature, not a bug). But with that said, it’s maybe worth thinking about how you never know how bad anyone truly is, regardless of what they’re wearing. Because of course: The most liberal dude in the world can still call you a bitch or worse for “stealing” the dumbbells sitting neatly in the rack that he was somehow also “using.” He may be working 16-hour days saving the rainforest and still lose it on you for not realizing he was waiting to use the bench.

To be clear, Neo-Nazis and white supremacists are a particularly inexcusable, skin-crawling, face-punching kind of awful that demands valuing your personal safety and sanity above all else. But what about everyone else? And specifically the people who aren’t overtly racist or sexist or hom*ophobic or transphobic, but who operate in that more covert space by, for instance, staring at you obnoxiously and pointedly as if to say, what are you doing here? You don’t belong. I wish we could pick and choose every single person we interact with, and that it weren’t so hard to get other people to understand that you have to care about other people, but that’s almost never the case in life, and it is so also at the gym.

I’m not remotely saying that we must all excuse each other’s shortcomings and turn the other cheek and blessings be upon the hearts of us all even when we stray from the light, because I don’t believe that. But working out is important to me, being strong is important to me, and my health is important to me, and I’d put up with a lot of sexist garbage to protect those things in my life (assuming I don’t feel like my actual physical safety is at risk). If you are still in a place where you’re finding out how vital that stuff can be, I’d beg you to stick it out and learn that balancing that equation might not be as bad as you think. “People fear what they do not understand, so if you are in a non-powerlifting friendly gym expect the stares,” Goodman says. “Embrace it because you are doing not only something presumed to be different but amazing, so if you are going to shine might as well blind a few people, sis.”

“I deserve to compete in this sport just like anyone else and no one can take that away from me,” Burnwell says. “You are already powerful because you lift all the heavy things. Don't let bigotry steal your power.”

In the meantime, there is still a lot more work to do. “All the things we need to do to make gyms hospitable, welcoming, and truly inclusive of the needs and experiences of trans and queer folks, BIPOC folks, and all women are what we need to do in the world everywhere,” Cohen says. “Most people don’t want to be transphobic, but that also doesn’t mean they’re up to the task of responding skillfully when a member or employee is transphobic in their behavior or language or that they themselves even understand what trans people may experience. The same issues apply when discussing racism. ‘All are welcome’ isn’t the same thing as ‘the needs of marginalized people are thoroughly considered or centered here.’”

For those of us who benefit from privilege, whether it concerns ableism, racism, or another structural bias, Cohen offers the following advice: “Educate yourself and do the work to uproot white supremacy, misogyny, transphobia, hom*ophobia, ableism, and fat phobia/body shaming in yourself. The work of undoing racism belongs first and foremost to white people. The work of undoing hom*ophobia and transphobia belongs first and foremost to cisgender, heterosexual people. The work of undoing ableism and fat shaming at the systemic and cultural level also means looking at how these things manifest in [our] own minds and actions.”

Meanwhile, sticking together as best you can with your people and standing up for yourself in a less than ideal situation when it is safe, even as it tests you, will not make the bad or hostile people disappear. But if you can find it in you to make this space for yourself, or shoulder some part of the burden of helping make it safe for others, know that it makes a difference. “The things we need to do in the gym are the things we need to do in the world. The gym isn’t some special sacred place in which we are all magically ‘the same’ or ‘free from prejudice and only interested in getting stronger’ or ‘safe from other people’s BS,’” Cohen says. “The gym is just another place in the world.”

Casey Johnston is the editor of the Future section at The Outline and a competitive powerlifter with a degree in applied physics. She writes the column Ask a Swole Woman for SELF. You can find her on Twitter: @caseyjohnston.

Letters to AASW are edited for length and context, and the content of each AASW column is the opinion of the writer and does not necessarily reflect the views of SELF or SELF editors.